Dear Josie, I can't sit still
I know moving seems so ominous and final for you right now, but for me nothing lasts forever, everything is transition. And now that I am in one place, a place I know that I will be in for a year (and more), I feel trapped. The world is so big, so full, so colorful, but this time I can't get up and go. I can't jump on a plane, heck I left my passport back in MD.
The finality of my new living situation, of my 'new life,' is sinking in. And its hit me like hard punches over and over again. I had been moving for so long, a hermit crab always excited to leave and search for a better shell to call home. Being in one spot, it brings the journey back to me. The journey of flying to India, to Md, to Vegas, to LA. I'm experiencing my life and my story like never before, fully saturated in it. And it makes me wonder what lessons I have yet to learn from the past.
Those couches you write about they are a memory, take a picture of them and carry them with you. Put it above your bed at your new home and remember the home you once knew. I love how each place I lived in has it's own feeling because I was a different person in each place and each place had a different meaning of home. I want to put all the pictures of my past lives and my past homes together on my wall, so I can remember where I came from, and how I ended up here.
Yes, that my seem an unusual response and transition from my first paragraph of this letter, but it also is an act of acceptance and it is where I am. As much as I can't sit still, I recognize the need to be still. I need this time and space now more than ever, I need something to ground me. This space and time is an ointment and ice-bath for my torn up traveling feet. I am ready to face the things I have been hiding inside of me. I am ready to ground myself here, to remind myself that this is home and that those other places were to. I am ready.
But it is still hard to transition, to make a new place a home, to find a new favorite painting spot or reading spot. To find the best patches of warm sunlight on the carpet and to know the little tricks of how everything works. You will learn in time, and soon the place you move to will be behind you. Nothing lasts forever, but the now we live in is so final. Take a dive with me into the deep icy lake of the unknown, of the now. Let's hold our breaths and feel around for new places to hold onto.
Join me in this odd space of figuring out who you are now, in uprooting and growing in new soil. And lets remind each other who we are again.
Also some packing/unpacking tips:
A friend shared this quote with me that helped Dj and I pack up and decide what to take with us to our new home: "have nothing in your house that you don't know to be useful or believe to be beautiful"
Also, play your favorite songs while unpacking in the new place, it will make you feel more at home and more grounded to where you are.
Unpack your favorite pieces first, for me, my Hafiz "A Year with Hafiz" book was one of the first things I unpacked.